Y aqui estoy...

I am tired of stating states; this is the last post here in Spain , and then this is the first post here in Jordan, this is the first post here in Spain after coming back, and this is the last post bla bla bla...

I should stop stating my status, S.S.S is my new blog order.

There are a number of things I REALLY have to blog about , so I'm just writing now to make a committment about that.

Whatelse, I like small clean airports.

Do I have to write a longer post? No , I just want to say that, I like small clean airports :)

Ok, since I'm not sure about my long stay in Jordan, and how it reduced to 3 weeks Max. , I think I should reorganize my thoughts in regards to the 20 objectives (21) I stated earlier...
1. To get an international driving license , as it was a big mistake that I didn't. I'm not really sure if the Jordanian driving license is valid here in Spain (or the E.U in general).
2. To introduce the cafe con leche in my house , though I'm pretty sure (they've been there, they did that).
3. Since I'm not quiet confident that I will be able to cook a Paella (though I would love to) , but a tortilla española is doable and I should do it with ease...
4. To print at least the best 50 photos (with 10 big size ones) and gift them? (do we say that in english?).
Hmm...Ok, I'm doing this here in Granada airport because I'm 100% sure that there will be some other (prepared) plans for me when I get there (and now the Eid is almost there) , besides, how can you make plans about what you'r going to do when you are in that place, Don't plan too much, Just do it!
Hasta Luego!

Ok, Notes extended:

First impressions after a 7 months absence from Amman and about it...

1- We are not that bad! I think I used to critisize too much, but things are just the way they are until they get improved.

2- Love the new numbering system, buildings and streets.

3- Loved the family Iftar we had at our house, sooooo good. Tamir? Shorabit fi6ir? mlokhiyeh? MANSAF? maftool? La7meh baladiyeh? knafeh? ...

4- I definitely think we have a great middle eastern cusine.

- I want to critisize one thing:

We don't have zebra crosses! How are we supposed to cross streets?

I really can't get it...

Anyway, its always good to go back home :)

God doesn't play dice...

My life took a trun today, when I was confronted with the fundamental question of: Why do you want to go back to Jordan if you have a better reason to stay here?

After the marathonic discussions of how I have already booked my ticket, and how I have a study to finish, a project to do, (and in my mind; some people to see). I got that solutioned one by one, and I was left with the one question I had to answer>>>Do I really want to stay here for work?

I don't know , my heart is heavy, it was simpler when I had these small plans the duration of which would be 2-3 weeks, an exhcnage somewhere, a seminar, an activity...5 long years of university. Stability never worked well for me , I always wanted to be everywhere at the same time. And now this, I always wanted it , I always wanted this chance...And I ideally have it , all details worked out ... But my heart is heavy and I don't know why...

Leave you with some photos...Will leave me with Nassam Alayna Al Hawa meanwhile...

إلى التاباس ... مرات عديدة

أجلس الآن أكتب ما أكتب ، بدل أن أكون في صدد تجهيز نفسي للتابيار (الخروج لتناول التاباس) ، سأبقى أكتب حتى تنبهني كريستينا اليونانية إلى أن الوقت حان لخروجنا ، سأرد عليها بأني (كاسي ليستو) أي على وشك الجهوزية، وسنخرج معاً لنلتقي بالآخرين عند نافورة

لاس باتاياس) ، شيئ مثل نافورة المعارك

وردني الاتصال الذي كنت أنتظره منذ أن عدت من الجولة الأوروبية، أكدت بأني أعرف العنوان وأني سأكون جاهزاً تمام العاشرة غداً ، هي فرصة التدريب مع الشركة إياها التي كنت قد قدمت طلباً للتدرب فيها ، على كل حال سأر غداً ما يكون...

عدت قبل دقائق من الركض مع ماتياس ومارتتينش من هولندا ، وقررت أن أضيف عادة الركض مرة واحدة كل أسبوعين على الأقل إلى أسبابي العشرين للعودة إلى الأردن (وهي الركض مرة كل أسبوعين في المدينة الرياضية) ، أتمنى أن لا تسوء أحوال الطقس بما يعزز فرص الكسل والتثاقل الذي يكتسح كل اندفاعنا الأول ولا يبق منه إلا سؤال (ماذا لو ذهبت وركضت،

El canto del Loco - Ya nada volvera a ser como antes

I will never be back like before...

Just another nice spanish song ...

Good luck .

ستعود وحدك volverás solo

يوماً ما

ستمر من هنا

وسيتراءى أمامك

طيف شكلي الذي مضى

وستتوقف قليلاً

هاهنا بعيداً

وتتنهد


Algún día pasarás por aquí...

Y verás como una ilusión el reflejo de mi forma que una vez se fue...

Y te detendrás un momento....

Aquí,

lejos,

y suspirarás

قصيدة كتبتها خلف جبال غرناطة
Una poema que la he escrito andando por las montañas de Granada

Luar Na Lubre - Canto De Andar (Camiños da fin da terra)

EL POETA PIDE A SU AMOR QUE LE ESCRIBA

Amor de mis entrañas, viva muerte,
en vano espero tu palabra escrita
y pienso, con la flor que se marchita,
que si vivo sin mí quiero perderte.

El aire es inmortal. La piedra inerte
ni conoce la sombra ni la evita.
Corazón interior no necesita
la miel helada que la luna vierte.

Pero yo te sufrí. Rasgué mis venas,
tigre y paloma, sobre tu cintura
en duelo de mordiscos y azucenas.

Llena pues de palabras mi locura
o déjame vivir en mi serena
noche del alma para siempre oscura.


Federico García Lorca

Reasons...

Writing page three…

I’m listening to Collin’s “Least you can do” and resting a bit from the very nice party we just had in the terrace upstairs, it was Martje’s birthday from Holland, her 23rd.
Everybody’s comment that we’re living in a very nice building, some commented that it is like Dracula’s mansion, and I added that I often see a window or a door I never saw before! It is truly like that, our Cuchilleros apartment; I leave you with some pictures (next time!)…
We were a bunch of internationals, speaking in Spanish, English, German, French…etc, it was cool, had a very interesting discussion with Bethany from the states, she asked me first whether or not I observe Ramadan, it was this kind of a situation in which you would want to say yes because it is expected that you should, however, it was a No, and I told here I have no excuse whatsoever why this is so, we also talked about religions and what we like and don’t , she told me how she comes from the Unitarian something church, the most profound part how she told me that she believes in spirituality and (it is Two hearts now playing) how that is fulfilled by her doing good to people and not doing bad, not hating, not stealing…etc, for seconds I thought about what children like me back in the days were told, how we are highly spiritual and others not, how they are confused by their materialism, I don’t want to criticize now, but its just going back to that moment and be confronted with this that made me think like this.
And as I have been doing lately, I told her about my science fiction novel idea, and her reaction was great, she told me she really is excited about the idea, how she thinks its original and fresh, and as always, I felt truly encouraged, now more than ever, to write this book, I have to write it, will I really do it?…

Hence, writing page three, for I have written two pages so far :)

On another subject, I was told today that I could postpone my studies for this semester in Granada and go back and conclude them in Jordan, and then come back again in January for the spring semester, and I am doing that, however, I have been thinking all day long about the reasons, and they are good enough that I want to share…
1- I want to go back to Jordan to finish my studies and get my degree and be freer in whatever I want to do afterwards.
2- I want to go back to Jordan because I am in an urgent and vital need of a feedback of what I have been doing here for the last 7 months, what I did, what I didn’t and what I should do in the future in my second coming.
3- I want to go back because I kind of forget the things that annoy me about Jordan, I have to get annoyed again, this will make me want to change things and will make me remember about my stay In Spain.
4- I want to go back because I miss home, friends and family.
5- I want to go back because I want to learn proper cooking.
6- I want to go back because I want to work in a Jordanian environment, meet some new Jordanian people and friends, and fresh it up a bit.
7- I want to go back to Jordan because I don’t want to spend autumn here.
8- I want to go back to Jordan because I want to give love for the people who love me, and to have a better attitude dealing with them.
9- I want to go back to Jordan because I want to go on a bike trip somewhere in the north, or the dead sea area (Anybody wants to join?).
10- I want to go back to Jordan because I want to read books, Arabic books and understand the blank spaces I ever left blank in my Arabic literature education.
11- I want to go back to Jordan to inspire who wants to interact with me, and to be inspired by what they would have to say.
12- I want to go back to Jordan, because I want to remember how bad our transportation system is, to write about that, to give ideas, to try to make it better, even if in people’s minds.
13- I want to go back to Jordan to realize the kind of problems we are in, to investigate the possible solutions and to try to help as much as I can.
14- I want to go back to Jordan to eat Homos and falafel and foul at Hashem, to buy from reem a mighty shawermah, to buy courageously a zinger from KFC and sit like a teenager in the food court of City Mall, to buy chocolate and dip it in Nescafe.
15- I want to go back to Jordan because I want to sleep an over night at my grandmother’s house, I want to teach her some Spanish words, and to read with her the newspaper, because I want to spend the week end with my father in Ajloun.
16- I want to go back to Jordan, because I want to see the university I left, its students, their ideas and life, I want to give a 15 min lecture on renewable energy related subjects, but I will have to coordinate this, I want to do my research project on renewable energy in Jordan.
17- I want to go back to Jordan so that I could drive my mum’s Toyota.
18- I want to go back to Jordan to play with Omar, Noor, Zain, Khaled, Hamzah my nephews and nieces.
19- I want to go back to Jordan to interact somehow with the Spanish community we have there, through the Spanish cultural center and Spanish language speakers.
20- I want to go back to Jordan, because Jordan is my soul mate.

And many more

Ramadan, 30 days of solidarity

And now its time for another post, it is 11.00 0’clock here in Granada, and I’m waiting for a phone call I know I will not get, so instead I find it appropriate to go through some Spanish guitar music folders, drink some cheap orange juice I bought today from Mercadona and tell you something you don’t know…
Should the post be about Ramadan in Granada? Well, let’s assume it is, although I’m quiet sure I’ll give up describing the situation here in Ramadan, for soon I will realize it is easier if you come and see for yourselves.
Sun sets here around 8.30 on average, and sunrise is about 6.30 on average as well, a long time as you might have guessed, plus, about 10 000 Muslims live here, which makes them about 1.25% of Granada’s population, not that much, which means that everyone is out there midday enjoying food and drinks, ice cream, and snacks. How do I personally feel? I feel an absolute nothing, it doesn’t matter at all that they are eating, and it doesn’t make me feel stronger or weaker, it just reminds me that I’m fasting, and nothing more. I guess this is how Muslims feel here as well.
Today I went to the Friday prayer, was questionably early, to be honest I thought it was at 1.30 but it turned out to be at 2.18, and I liked that I came early, was the third to get into the mosque, to sit in front of the Mihrab and contemplate a bit, so what was I thinking about? Many things, how much I love this city, how much I feel lonely in these days, with practically no one around, how I finally experienced total and absolute freedom but not quiet sure that it is what I thought it would be, I thought about these times I sat next to the Rio Genil and how I didn’t weep, thought much did I feel like it, how much I feel wrong, and how much I want to change things in Jordan, I suddenly decided that I need to be called to form the next cabinet, I even was about to pray for God for me to be the next prime minister, or the minister of planning, but then I stopped and thought I should pinch myself and plan my life before that of other’s.
I belong, to the tears I shed before I sleep…
To the fear that draws my life and illusion…
To the dreams that have forsaken me …
To the toil that have made me realize…
How fragile is my being, wrapped in emotions…
Alhambra is overlooking Granada down under, opposite to where we are, and we are under the sun of the 5th of September 2008, praying, together, kneeling, bowing, and sincerely devoting our moments in that mosque to the high-being, to Allah. I look around, and I like what I see, it is a very beautiful mosque that was inaugurated five years ago, new, clean and luminous, with astonishing touch of Granada’s Islamic architecture, women’s prayer room is on the same plane separated by a wooden fence that allows both to see indistinctly the other, and believe me, nobody was occupied with that thought. I see Spanish ,Arab (mostly Moroccan) , and some African Muslims, some were with ear piercings, some had “inappropriate” hair cuts, but they were praying, they were like me and everybody, and I liked it.

لا أريد النوم، فأنا لا أعرف ماذا سأفعل بعد أن أصحو، ومنذ قررت أن من الموبقات الصحيان بلا معرفة ماذا سنفعل في يومنا ذا، قررت أن تتعدد الأسباب التي توقظني كل يوم،ولكنني، هاهنا، لا أعرف ما سأفعل غداً، وبعد غد، وبعد بعد غد، ربما حان وقت السهر، بالساعات الطوال والأيام.
كان الشهر هذا فاصلاً اجبارياً في حياتي، في مواجهة نفسي، وبعيداً عن المعاني التي أعرف، فأجد نفسي وحيداً هنا في مدينة هجرها بنوها إلى عوائلهم و ضيعهم، وعدت أنا اليها كالابن الضال، بل وأكثر ضلالاً من ذي قبل. عدت إلى مدينة يتوافد إليها السياح من كل مكان، يحاولون فهم ما لم أفهم في ساعات وأيام قليلة، أنظر إليهم، وأداعب خيالي بما سيتقولون عن جولتهم لما يعودون إلى روافدهم، أنظر إليهم وأراهم كدمىً تتجول بوتيرة متوقعة تملأ النواحي الساكنة ضجيجاً لا داعي له، ربما هي الغيرة التي أشعر بها، أنني أود جداً يا حضرات السياح أن تكون بينكم تلك المجموعة التي تعنيني، لأرشدها إلى ما لا تعرف، في نواحي غرناطة وشوارعها، أن تملأ الأرجاء بصوتي وصوت أحبتي ، وأن نجتاح المدينة بالابتسامات والكلام العربي الذي أفهم، سئمت يا أخوتي من ابتساماتي المصطنعة في وجه الجميع، كضرورة حيوية لعنصر آدمي آخر، ولا أريد الامتعاض أيضاً، أريد فقط، أن أقهقه كما لو كنت أمام ممثلين خفيفي الظل، أنتم جميعاً، يا شأن غرناطة مثقل الكاهلين، لا تعنونني بشئ، أراكم ملوثاً بصرياً، وسمعياً و همأ على القلب.
ماذا لو تحولت إلى نبتة؟ إلى شجرة باسقة ، خضراء و حقيقية[G1] . أين كنت لأزرع نفسي؟ يخيفني التفكير في عدد الاحتمالات، و يخطر ببالي أن هناك الكثير من الأرض التي لم أزر، فكيف أستطيع معرفة ذلك؟ ...
ثم أستيقظ صبيحة الأحد، بعد ليلة حافلة بالسهر والرقص في كهوف ساكرمنتو وبارات شارع البيرة، كنا حوالي عشرة أشخاص، وانتهى بنا الأمر ثلاثة اسبان وثلاث هولنديات وحضرة جنابي، ولعبنا هذه اللعبة، (لم أفعل هذا قط) ، وفيه يقول أحدهم ما لم يفعله قط في حياته ، ومن فعل يشرب، ومن لم يفعل، يمتنع (لا تقلق إن لم تفهم اللعبة، فقد فهمها بعض الاخوان بعد ثلاث جولات) ، المهم، اكتشفت أنني لا يمكن أن أكون صادقاً أبداً ، كما لم أكن يوماً ، ولكنهم (يزقون قوي) باتجاه المواضيع الجنسية دائماً ، إلى حد تتساقط معك كحبات الشمع الذائب كل حواجز الحرج ، فقررت الصمت ، سكن تسلم!
أعود للقول، استيقظت منتصف نهار الأحد، يوم طويل و منعش الحرارة من أيام أيلول، وفجأة قررت التنزه والمشي طويلاً خلف الحمراء، لطالما أردت أن أستكشف المنطقة، أن أعثر على مخطوط أثري أو خاتم سلطاني...وقد مشيت كثيراً وفكرت أكثر، وكتبت بعض الكلمات على قصاصات الورق، أقفز عن الطريق كلما سمعت أصوات الدراجات الجبلية تئز من أعلى التل، وأستقبلهم بابتسامة عريضة معلناً أن (بوينا: الطريقة الغرناطية الكسولة في قول بويناس تاردس، مساء الخير)، وقررت أن أعود المرة القادمة بدراجة هوائية.
الجبل كبير، وذكرني إلى حد ما بغابة برقش، بوعورة طرق مزرعتنا في عجلون، وذكرني بصغري المفرط أمام هذه العظمة.
من منكم أراد زيارتي ، فليستعد للمشي طويلاً وبالنزول من على الجبل إلى النهر، سنجلس هناك أمام الساكرمنتو والبيازين ونتحدث عن هذا العالم من وجهة نظر السلطان.

Queda Prohibido

Queda prohibido llorar sin aprender, levantarte un día sin saber qué hacer, tener miedo a tus recuerdos... Queda prohibido no sonreír a los problemas, no luchar por lo que quieres, abandonarlo todo por miedo, no convertir en realidad tus sueños... Queda prohibido no demostrar tu amor, hacer que alguien pague tus dudas y mal humor... Queda prohibido dejar a tus amigos, no intentar comprender lo que vivieron juntos, llamarles sólo cuando los necesitas... Queda prohibido no ser tú ante la gente, fingir ante las personas que no te importan, hacerte el gracioso con tal de que te recuerden, olvidar a toda la gente que te quiere... Queda prohibido no hacer las cosas por ti mismo, no creer en Dios y hacer tu destino, tener miedo a la vida y a sus compromisos, no vivir cada día como si fuera un último suspiro... Queda prohibido echar a alguien de menos sin alegrarte, olvidar sus ojos, su risa, todo porque sus caminos han dejado de abrazarse, olvidar su pasado y pagarlo con su presente... Queda prohibido no intentar comprender a las personas, pensar que sus vidas valen más que la tuya, no saber que cada uno tiene su camino y su dicha... Queda prohibido no crear tu historia, dejar de dar las gracias a Dios por tu vida, no tener un momento para la gente que te necesita, no comprender que lo que la vida te da, también te lo quita... Queda prohibido no buscar tu felicidad, no vivir tu vida con una actitud positiva, no pensar en que podemos ser mejores, no sentir que sin ti este mundo no sería igual...


It is forbidden...

It is forbiden to cry without learning,
to wake up one day not knowing what to do,
to be afraid of your memories.

It is forbiden not to smile at problems,
not to fight for what you want,
to abandon everything because of the fear,
not to transform your deams into reality.

It is forbiden not to show your love,
to make someone pay for your debts and the bad humor.


It is forbiden to leave your friends,
not to try to understand what you lived together,

It is forbiden not to be yourself in public,
to feign with people you don't care about,
to fake being funny just to make them remember you,
to forget all the people who love you.


It is forbiden not to make things by yourself,
not to believe in God and forge your fate,
to be afraid of life and its engagements,
not to live each day like it was a last sigh.

It is forbiden to miss someone without
cheering, to forget his eyes, his smile,
just because your paths stopped being embraced,
to forget his past and paying it with his present.

It is forbiden not to try to understand people,
to think that their lifes are more valuable than yours,
not to know that each one has his way and his happiness.

It is forbiden not to create your history,
not to have a moment for the people who need you,
ot to understand that whatever life gives to you, it takes it away as well.

It is forbiden not to search for your happiness,
not to live your life with a positive attitude,
not to think that we can be better,
not to feel that, without you, this world wouldn't be the same.

What am I doing here?

A good question, I asked myself this morning...

I don't know! was, is, and will be the answer, but I am not complaining, I like it, absolute freedom, in a city that I bonded with, well enough, to know that I can confidentely call myself GRANADINO.

Going to the modern languages center in the morning, getting my everyday spanish drill, and then do the ever evolving pasta with new additives, enjoying a siesta in the 35 degrees outside weather, hitting the gym in the early evening, and joining whomever for a tapas in the night. Complicated life reduced to simplicity...

Of course I'm quiet annoyed about several things:

- For a long time now , I didn't read a book , the last was "the witch of portbello" by Cohello, I bought the book in Stockholm for the mere reason of wanting to know if my credit card works, it did, and I read the book, hmm...wasn't really impressed, but who am I to give an opinion now? I need to read a book 3 times before I fully understand it.

-My spanish seems to have stuck with some words, vocab and expressions, but I'm not learning 10 words a day as it was in the beginning, maybe less than a word a day these days. Of course I'm growing more confident speaking the language, but thats such a flase feeling.

- I'm afraid to say so, but I'm really used to the city, I walk in it like a professional driver, means the chances are I have more sense about the city and its logic than I do about Amman for instance. An idea hit me lately that I need to live in some new places in Jordan, I always wanted to live in: Wadi al kamar - Rum , Dana , Ain Jana, Aqaba. I might very well do, really?

Talk to you soon , maybe in five minutes!