Ah....you, talk to me...
Me, I'm fine...I never put sunglasses, I ever thought they were a form of make-up, of making someone something he is not, I don't know why I give this such a significance. Maybe only because today I put sunglasses. Imagine, throughout the 23 years of my life, I finally find it appropriate to put sunglasses. it felt not me, but me is changing. no? Hmm, I decided I simply walk around with it on becuase it is a great way of hiding. Of me not wanting to be myself anymore with people I already knew.
Later today when the class time was dying, an old colleague came to where I was sitting, and was like, hey man, been ages, where have you been? I had the mouse in my hand, fixed my eyes on his and said, well, I've been travelling, I thought you already knew, he was like, do you want to become Ajnabi? Akhh....this ugly conversation, I said, hmmm...maybe, why not, but its not that
actually lets just say that I was a bit busy, he saluted me and left me clicking on the big wide screen..
I love our uni when its late, no body is there, people start to group as a way of putting an end to their long day of seriousness, by exchanging some words and stories of what must have been a day like no other in their lives. A day, and they do that everyday. I like to watch from up where I stand, down to where the big square is and them under, a godly perspective. Fix my eyes on the small details of the square, the big tree the wodden banks. the lovely stairs. you know its more yellowish now, I like to think that some man of significance has been there, has appreciated them. I just want to be connected to greatness no matter the fragility of the connection.
I then go outside, to the bus compound, I put the sunglasses back in my pocket, I obviously don't know how to handle sunglasses. I just purchased some nuts and siseme (simsim) , costs .15 , delecious.. some other guy I know comes and says hi. then leaves in a minute. there have never been anything interesting about our interaction anyway, I then see the bus approaching. I sit next to the window..
close my eyes, and try to sleep, then there is this drift of cold air coming from the outside, it is cold, but I don't know why I don't ask the girl behind me to close the window. maybe she is having a better moment having the window open that out weighs the misery of its coldness....I put my sweater on , and close my eyes again.
Approaching to amman, I decide to read some more pages of "the colonel is his labyrnith" markez, I absoloutely am not sure why I keep on reading, is it because it is Markez and I have to keep on reading? Is it because it prevents me of thinking the same old thoughts that have been roaming aaround in my head for the last 10 years? is this why I'm reading?
I notice we are a minute from the station, I stop reading, and decend from whatever status I was in. I decide then that its time for a cup of tea with milk, you know? I love it when the add extra sugar, extra condensed milk in those plastic cups. I watch things around me, and patiently sip from that cup, keep on going talking to myself. looking at the horizon
could see the two skyscrapers. I realize I don't belong to the creation of this fact. So my eyes hence should try to ignore the scene..Am I that mean?
I take the taxi back home, he is so mad that we are going to where he was just a while ago. keeps on complaining and ufffffing, I keep on shutting my mouth and uttering no words, I'm not interested no more in details. these little details of life. traffic, road condition, electrcity bills...maybe I will start onwards asking the big questions. I always did and want to do that. he asks for 10 p more
I say , less? in the most sarcastic way possible, he insists, more...Ehhhh...that s all I could say to him.
I no longer will say goodbuy , or peace as a way of saying goodbuy, wisdom, that s my new salutation order.
so
Wisdom
